is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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