Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
