Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
