i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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