WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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