I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
