gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
