i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize