ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
