Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
