i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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