okay pat passed out under dana's car
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
