I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
