see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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