Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
