So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
