when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
