It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
