we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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