Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
