the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize