im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
