i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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