if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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