he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
