Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
