miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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