How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
