Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
