You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
