Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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