I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
