I cockslap morals
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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