Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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