There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
