I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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