I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
