in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
