He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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