In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
