ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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