Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize