Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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