I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
His nipple licking is glorious
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