what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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