So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
