6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We need to get me chipped asap
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
