I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drake has all the answers
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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