believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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