When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
