Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
