I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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