He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
