17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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