I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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