sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
