You're completely useless in the revolution.
I will die if light touches me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
