omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I smell stomach acid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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