Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
