I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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