I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
