Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
