i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
