Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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