So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
