I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
