this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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