Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
