his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
