I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
