I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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