Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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