two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
