I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
