I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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