last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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