Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
