I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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