this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have fence marks all over my body
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
