People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
