Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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