sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
