it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
