My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
