The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
