I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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