I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
