ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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