Umm I'm too high to move.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
