I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the condom got lost in my hair
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
