I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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