You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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