Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
