Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
