hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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