drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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