9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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