I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize