I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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