some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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